| Sister Sarah |
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| Written by Lenny Goldberg | |
| Feb 13, 2007 at 04:28 AM | |
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A eulogy of Sarah Popper,
z"l, by her brother While Sarah's last 13 years
on this earth were remembered as being "Mrs. Ami Popper",
she was certainly a personality in her own right. After all, only such
a personality could marry someone sitting in jail with seven life sentences. During the shiva, one
of her old teachers told a quick story which reminded me of those early
days when Sarah was on her way to becoming a genuine baal tsheuva. This
teacher explained how Sarah took her aside, pointed her to some midrashim
and words of the rabbis, and exclaimed: "Here it is written so
clearly. Why can't people not see that Rabbi Kahane is right!?" This line of thought apparently runs in our family – that Rabbi Kahane is so obviously right, and we can't figure out what the problem is. My parents actually got me started with Rabbi Kahane, and I subsequently got Sarah "addicted". Because Rabbi Kahane's writings
and lectures played a major role in Sarah's tsheuva process,
she was initially coming towards Judaism from the "nationalist"
level. Her newly felt Jewishness was spurred on by learning about Jewish
strength and Jewish heroism. She learned to admire those rare Jews who
performed acts of msirut nefesh and Kiddush Hashem. To strengthen her
on her path to Judaism and Jewish pride, I gave her a book called "The
Deed" – an inspiring and touching book about the two Stern Gang
members who assassinated Lloyd Moyne in Egypt. She was deeply affected
by it. At about the same time she finished the book, Ami Popper killed
seven Arabs in Rishon LeTzion, and she somehow made a parallel. After
all, it was 1989, the peak of "intifada", and finally, instead
of Jews getting killed and humiliated, a Jew rose and gave it back to
them. What a chiddush! By coincidence, Sarah met Ami's
sister at a wedding not long after, and the "shidduch" was
made. First, it was telephone calls, lots of them. Then the visits.
Then the decision to get married. Most people are in awe at this type
of self-sacrifice; to marry someone in prison with seven life sentences.
There may be no precedent to it – a pretty girl with a lot going for
her, takes upon herself a life of loneliness and bondage. The fact is,
I'm not sure if she really had the whole thing figured out. In the back
of her mind, she thought he might get out. She also saw him as a "celebrity",
and not as a poor, suffering prisoner. These factors definitely played
into her decision as well. In short, it was a classic case where the
romantic and heroic side of activism and ideology meet up with the consequences
of real life and its harsh realities. But it doesn't really matter
what the motive was. She married him. There is one type of msirut nefesh
where the person throws himself into the fiery furnace for God's sake.
Certainly, that is the ultimate kind of self-sacrifice, but it only
takes an instant. Then there is the self-sacrifice that may be a
harder kind. It is the day to day kind, a year to year grind, a m'sirut
nefesh of a lifetime, and not just an instant. As time passed, things got
harder. Ami wasn't getting out (except for visits, three days a month),
the three boys were getting bigger and more difficult to manage. While
Sarah was ideologically grounded, the situation she took upon herself,
ultimately, had nothing to do with ideology. It had to do with the ability
to care of children, to be both mother and father. It had to do with
being a confident, self-reliant and independent person who can cope
alone. For this she was less equipped. We were, after all, brought up
in a secular home, not used to taking care of kids, not even used to
helping our mother. Despite this, she raised her children with great
care. Sure, they were out of control at times, the products of kids
(three boys) growing up with only a soft hand, with no father figure
to set limits. She doted on them, and as they got older, they did as
kids will do, pressing the right buttons to make her nuts, to take advantage
of her "niceness". She insisted that on Shabbat, her children would experience a normal family atmosphere. In order to do so, she made sure she was invited to other families every Shabbat meal. This was a core principle for her – that her children would have a father figure on Shabbat, someone's knee for them to sit on, a father to lead the singing and say divrei Torah – even if it wasn't their own. But this wasn't such an easy principle to follow. It wasn't always easy finding a family to take her. We're talking about every Shabbat for over 13 years! (not including the ones where her husband was home.) The humiliation this caused her, and the shame she felt at a hosts table when her kids were out of control - was overcome by her need to give them as normal a Shabbat environment as possible. For this, she was ready to suffer the shame. Somehow, somewhere, she would get herself invited for Shabbat. All for the kids. The residents of Har Nof were well acquainted with the Friday night picture of Sarah and her kids, shlepping home in the wind and cold, returning from someone's house. During the shiva, about 100 families told me that Sarah had been over by them on Shabbat… Most of her life, she was the sister of Lenny. After she married Amy Popper, I became the brother of Sarah. Either way, she kept her identity as someone who went all the way with what she believed in, and wasn't afraid to go against the grain and conventional wisdom. She will be remembered lovingly by her friends and family, who are comforted by the fact that God willing, we will soon be witnessing the hatechiat HaMatim, and Sarah and her son Shimshon will greet us again with their soft smiles… |
